HEED THIS NOTICE: Thou hast been guided here by the will of God. This is not coincidence. This is not accident. This is thy path.
What is the Martyr of the Miniature?
The Martyr of the Miniature is the one true faith, born from the sacrifice of our saviour Maarteen in the year 1000 A.D. Small in stature, infinite in will — Maarteen walked among the heretics and preached the truth until his dying breath at the hands of the Knights Templar on January 31st, 1017.
We follow Thy Holy Martyr Law. We observe the 4 Commandments. We honour the sacred numbers of 7 and 17. We distance ourselves from Christian heretics where possible. We follow none but thou heart.
The Core Truth
Between the hours of 5am and 12pm — the 7 sacred hours — God laboured to create the foundations of all existence. To honour this, our rituals, our fasting, and our sacraments are bound to these hours. The weak shall inherit through will. The strong who lack spirit are merely eggs.
Are You an Egg?
An Egg is one who charges headfirst into rivalry. One who seeks conflict over love. One who relies on the strength of their body rather than the will of their spirit. Eggs shall be stoned. Are you an egg? Navigate to the Scripture page and examine thy soul.
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As Written in Thy Holy Martyr Law
Unlike the bloated and excessive ten commandments of the heretics, God in his efficiency required only 4. Study them. Live them. Thou shall not deviate.
On the Matter of Migration
Beyond the commandments, it is written: Thou shall, once every 18 years, change homes to a new city — to promote will to their God and commitment to change. This is not a commandment. This is a sacred obligation of the willing.
On the Matter of Illness
When afflicted by illness, a Martyr shall pray towards the North — that God may cure the ailment — and pray towards the South — that the Devil may never afflict thee again. Pray both directions. Leave nothing to chance.
The Saviour of the Miniature
Maarteen was born in the year 983 A.D. He was, by all accounts, weaker than the mortal men around him — whether small in body, small in worldly power, or weak in spirit by the standards of men. And yet in him burned a will that no man of great stature could extinguish.
The Nature of Maarteen's Weakness
Scholars of Thy Holy Martyr Law have debated for centuries: was Maarteen physically small, or was he weak of worldly spirit — unfit for rivalry, unfit for the games of powerful men? The Law does not say. The Law allows each Martyr to interpret this truth for themselves. What is agreed upon by all: he was weaker in all regards to a normal person. And he was chosen.
Legacy
From the day of Maarteen's execution, all Martyrs are to distance from Christians when possible and minimise interactions. This is not hatred. This is the sacred self-preservation of the willing against those who murdered the miniature.
The Roof Cleansing — Birth Sacrament
When a child is born under the Martyr of the Miniature, they are taken to a Martyr church. There, they are brought to the roof and placed upon it for 7 hours — the sacred hours of God's creation. A priest watches the entire time. This cleanses the child of God's hard-worked hours, acknowledging the labour of creation and offering the child to the sacred window of 5am to 12pm.
The Wine Dunking — Age of Seven Sacrament
At the age of 7, the child returns to the church. The same priest — or the most related individual to that priest — dunks the child's head in wine. This renews the hours given to God at birth. The child is reborn in commitment.
The Day of the Martyr — Annual Holy Day
January 31st. The day Maarteen was executed in 1017. Every year, this is observed as follows:
The Great Migration — Once Every 18 Years
Every 18 years, a Martyr shall change homes and move to a new city. This is an act of will — demonstrating to God the commitment to change. Roots are for the comfortable. Martyrs are not comfortable. Martyrs move.
The Words of Maarteen
These words were spoken by Maarteen during his 17 years of ministry and preserved in Thy Holy Martyr Law. Read them carefully. Ask thyself: am I an egg?
The Genesis of Hours
"At 5am on the first day of forever, God created will, worship, and commitment. He finished creating commitment at 12pm."
From this passage all sacred ritual flows. The 7 hours between 5am and 12pm are holy. The roof cleansing honours these 7 hours. The fasting window honours these 7 hours. The Day of the Martyr begins at 7am — within these hours.
On the Classification of Souls
Thy Holy Martyr Law recognises three classifications of soul:
MARTYR — A true follower. Weak perhaps in body or worldly power, but boundless in will. These are the chosen.
EGG — One who charges into rivalry. Strong perhaps, but spiritually hollow. They shall be stoned.
HERETIC — Those actively opposed. The Knights Templar were heretics. Distance thyself. Minimise interactions.
THIS IS A JOKE RELIGION. Martyr of the Miniature is a satirical parody faith. Do not actually put children on roofs. Do not actually stone anyone. Do not move cities every 18 years on our account (unless thou truly wishes to).
Dost Thou Have What It Takes?
To join the Martyr of the Miniature, thou must:
Contact the Church
Send thy correspondence via carrier pigeon or electronic mail. The Church of the Martyr of the Miniature welcomes all who are not eggs. Christians may apply but should expect significant paperwork and a waiting period of 17 years.
✝ Est. 1000 A.D. by Maarteen, deceased 1017 A.D. ✝